How many times have you shared a goal with someone so that you could be held accountable? Most goal setting gurus encourage you to tell someone about your goals to increase the likelihood that you will achieve it. And that is usually good advice–I follow it when I am coaching faculty and ask them what they will accomplish before my next meeting with them.
But sometimes sharing our goal with another person backfires on us. Instead of supporting us, the person we chose as an accountability partner actually ends up being a saboteur. There may be many reasons for this sabotage, many of them well meaning at their core.
Glamour goddess, Eleanore Brodie King writes in her 1941 master’s degree thesis, A Course in Personal Presence (University of Southern California), that it is actually more prudent not to let others know about our journey. Mrs. King notes that we will feel awkward and clumsy as we develop these new skills–much the same as when we are first learning anything. She points out that by keeping the journey a secret, we take the pressure off of ourselves and can take the time we need to master various aspects of poise, charm, and glamour.
Sadly, I almost abandoned this journey because of the pushback I was getting from other women. I was told that I’m not a “true feminist” because focusing on glamour, poise, and charm is too superficial. I’ve also been told that I’m not a “good enough” Christian because I am denouncing the image I was created in. And, alas, there is a certain “look” that academic women are supposed to conform to and being glamorous doesn’t conform to that expectation that smart women don’t care about how they look.
But to heck with them! This is something I want to do, for myself, and for the people around me. This is about me reclaiming my feminine power that our culture seems to devalue so that I can be a self-actualized person.
So, we will keep our journey our own little secret. We don’t have to tell anyone else what we are up to as we go about developing our own version of poise and charm. And before we know it, others will just assume that we’ve always been fabulously glamorous!
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