Glamorous Whole Life Makeover Archives

What is the Essence of the Holidays for You?

Dear Friends,

I’m going to talk “friend to friend” with you right now. Because, our expectations for the holiday season have gotten wayyyyy out of control. We have this crazy notion that everything has to be Pinterest Perfect in order for the holidays to be successful.

Well, trying to have a Pinterest Perfect holiday season is just too stressful. And it will never happen. But we can have a perfect–with a lower case “p”-peaceful holiday season if we let go of our unrealistic expectations. In this blog post, we’re going to get real about what the essence of the holidays means for you.

What is the Essence of the Holidays for You?

It’s time to get out your journal. Get a cup of tea on nice china and find a quiet place where you can get your thoughts down on paper. There are no rules in how you go about answering the following questions. Use your preferred way of brain dumping–words, images, concept/mind mapping, etc. The idea is free thought without any mental editing as we dig down through the layers of “shoulds” and get to the “essence of the holidays” level.

What does the holiday season currently mean to you?
Describe your favorite childhood memory about the holiday season. Why is it your favorite?
Outline your least favorite childhood memory about the holidays. Are you still replaying it?
What is your favorite adult memory? Who is with you in this memory?
Explain your least favorite adult memory. How could it have been different?
What is most important to you about the holiday season? Why do you think this is so important?
Within the boundaries of your real life, describe an ideal holiday season.

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

In my Magical Pony Land, I am able to recreate my childhood holiday experience.

I come from a big church-oriented family. The holidays were filled with analyzing the Sears Christmas Wishbook catalog (and fighting with the siblings over who saw the coveted toy in the catalog first), parties, cards, concerts, baking, decorating, a stack of holiday LPs on the stereo, and the fun of buying “the perfect gift” on my very limited childhood budget.

But you know what? I’m not a child anymore. And I don’t really live in a Magical Pony Land. My life has changed a great deal in the subsequent 50 years since those memories were created. No matter how much I’d like to, I simply can’t recreate the past. I can’t bring my father or grandparents back to life.

However, I can honor what the essence of the holidays means to me. For me, the essence focuses on both the mystical aspect of the season along with gratitude for the positive memories created over the years with family and friends. The small Christmas tree we put up in our cottage is hung with memories, not perfection. The faded decorations I inherited from my grandparents still get places of honor and connect me to them. And the music I listen to (starting sometime in July, much to the consternation of The Mister), varies between the mystical when I’m in a contemplative mood to mid-century popular singers and bands.

Be Gentle With Yourself

All day long, we are bombarded with the messages that we have to be perfect in order to be successful. Our default thinking is that if that dinner didn’t turn out as expected, it was because we did something wrong. Right? And not the possibility that the new recipe we were trying really was not very well written. It is time to let that kind of perfection thinking go.

This week’s Peaceful Season challenge is to focus on enjoying the essence of the holidays for you rather than the unachievable Perfect Holiday. In what ways can you honor the essence of the holidays for you while also letting go of the need for the Pinterest Perfect holiday?

To your fabulous, essence-filled holiday season,

Dr. Julie-Ann

Image: Sears Christmas Book, 1956, courtesy of Harry Anderson| Isabel Santos Pilot on Flickr.com

Peaceful Season: Create A Holiday Master Calendar

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Dear Friends,

We are heading into “the holiday season.” If you’re like me, I relate all too well to Charlie Brown fighting against rampant commercialism. I long for an old-fashioned and peaceful Christmas season filled will love and joy. With this in mind, my personal theme for this year is “A Peaceful Season.”

A common request I receive from readers is for advice on how to actually enjoy the holidays instead of feeling constantly stressed by all of the demands placed upon us. Today’s post is going to focus on getting real with all those demands so that we can be proactive rather than reactive.

Our Peaceful Season goal for this week is to create a holiday master calendar.

Holiday Calendar Supplies

You will need:

A paper calendar showing the months of November and December with boxes big enough to write in. Although many of us rely upon digital planners, my friend, productivity guru Meggin McIntosh, told me one time that paper planners and calendars help us really see all of the expectations placed upon us. I know you’re thinking that you’ll just use your digital planner or the erasable calendar you have on the wall, but humor me this time around and go with paper. If you don’t have a paper calendar with nice write-in space, you can find tons of them on Pinterest. Heather over at Moritz Fine Designs has created a handy printable holiday organizing binder that I like. It is free but you do need to subscribe to her blog (which features printables each week) to have access to it.
Different colored pencils for coding your responsibilities
List of birthdays, anniversaries, and any other life events that you usually celebrate
School, church, club, dance, etc. calendars. Also, the travel dates of family members who may be visiting during the holidays (whether they are staying with you or not).
Shipping deadlines

Create a Holiday Calendar

All too often we hear that we shouldn’t put all of our eggs in one basket. Well, Meggin has a different egg metaphor that really hit home with me when I saw her demonstrate it once. As women, we try to put too many eggs into a carton designed for a dozen. Sure, the first 12 go in easily. There is a space for each one. But, we decide we’re going to try for “a baker’s dozen” and try to fit in one more. And then there are all of those other eggs that we try to cram into the carton. The result is that the eggs end up being a broken mess and of no use anymore (even though some of us will try to pick the shells out…just saying…).

To avoid feeling like broken eggs, we’re going to fill in our calendars, now, so that we know what demands are being placed on us. It will enable us to be proactive with our decision making if we have to make choices between two equally good events. The calendar will also enable us to turn down requests without feeling guilty instead of cramming one more thing into our schedules.

Using all of the different lists you’ve gathered, fill in your calendar with all of your responsibilities between now and January 2 or Epiphany on January 6, if you celebrate it. I suggest using a pencil so that you can easily make changes as you plan your holiday season. Having a holiday master calendar will enable you to start getting a better idea of all of the demands being placed upon you. Next, block out time for things like family time, personal time, shopping, baking, decorating, and things like that. Don’t forget to include logistical things like wrapping and shipping gifts and getting guest rooms ready.

Just looking at this list, it is easy to see how we end up feeling overwhelmed!

The Magic of Color Coding

My work calendar is color coded. Workshops I’m leading are shaded one color and consultations with faculty are shaded another. Meetings I’m leading are yet another color while meetings I’m attending are another. This enables me to quickly see what my schedule is like. For example, if I see that if I have a workshop coming up, I better block out time to prepare for it so that I don’t feel rushed, stressed, and worried about whether it is going to be worthwhile for the faculty attending it.

We’re going to do the same type of color coding strategy with our Peaceful Season holiday master calendar. Choose the categorizing method that works best for you but you here are some ideas for the different color codes:

Family/personal time
School events
Church events (rehearsals one color and performances another color)
Recitals
Parties (children’s one color, adults another color, both adult and children a third color)
Work related events
Baking time
Shopping time
Logistical time (wrapping gifts, shipping gifts, decorating, etc.)
Travel
Etc.

Shade each item with its appropriate category color to get a good idea what your schedule is like.

Time for Reflection

Okay, it is time to get real. What is your first reaction when you see your Peaceful Season holiday calendar? Does it feel “doable” and realistic? Or is it time to make some decisions about what needs to be scaled back or let go because you are trying to cram too many eggs into your carton?

I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday about the holiday season. She was telling me that she decided to let go of something that had once been very enjoyable and became a tradition for her. But she realized that it really hasn’t been as enjoyable for some time and was starting to feel like an obligation. So she is letting it go this year. She said that some people were pretty upset with her because they’d come to expect her to participate. But she wanted her holiday season back and stayed true to her decision. She’s available to answer any questions they may have but otherwise she has freed up tons of time for other things she will now be able to do with her family.

Going Forward

Now that you have a Peaceful Season holiday calendar, you can use it to guide your decision-making when you receive requests or invitations. For example, if the Ladies’ Society asks you to bake cookies, you can either let them know when you will be doing cookie baking or you can swap out a cookie baking afternoon for another event on your calendar.

As you go forward, always keep Meggin’s eggs being placed into the carton metaphor. You want to enjoy the holidays. Not end up in a scrambled mess.

Share your thoughts in the comments section: Did you make a holiday calendar? What did you find out? What other scheduling tips do you have?

To your fabulous Technicolor holiday season,

Dr. Julie-Ann

Image citation: “Everywoman’s” magazine cover, December 1955, courtesy of SaltyCotton on Flickr.com

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Is Your Outfit Fighting Your Figure?

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Seeing is believing; but when you look at lines, seeing is deceiving…Optical illusions do not confine themselves to such things as squares and top hats; they can happen to you. They do happen, in fact, when the lines of your clothes mingle with those of your figure and when hat and coiffure shapes come in contact with your face. They can happen for better as well as for worse, and our concern…is to make sure in your case, the lines of clothes contrive to fool the eye in a way that shows your figure at its best. ~Emmi Cotton, Clothes Make Magic, 1949.

Dear Friends,

I have an hourglass figure. No matter how much I weigh, my waist is usually about 10″ smaller than my bust and hips. If I wear a “boxy” style top, I look about 10 pounds heavier than I am…and it is all because of optical illusion created by the line of the top. Conversely, garments that are too tight can break up the line of an otherwise flattering garment. Our “what to wear” mentor, Miss Cotton, tells us that we can give a nod to fashion but we must honor the best lines (optical illusion) for our figure within the fashion trends.

We will examine the best lines for the different figure types in future lessons, but today Miss Cotton wants us to look at optical illusions:

OpticalIllusionsRedLines — Figure 2: The two red lines are straight; the bulge you see isn’t really there.

lineswitharrowsopticalillusion — Figure 4: The red line and blue lines are the exact same length

tophatillusion — Figure 5: The top hat seems taller than its brim is wide but its height is the same as the width of the brim.

We can use the line of a garment to create optical illusions. For instance, the reason we love those 1940’s suits and dresses so much is because they created an optical illusion of smaller waists (even without girdles) by subtly extending/emphasizing the shoulders . In fact, I learned while earning my custom clothing certificate that better quality clothing will often use shoulder padding or shaping to help with the line of a garment.

hollywoodvine194402 — By extending the shoulders just a little bit, this woman’s waist appears smaller. (Hollywood and Vine, 1944)

When The Mister is teaching his figure sculpting class, one of the things he emphasizes is the use of lines that force a viewers eyes to move around the figure to the best advantage. In Michelangelo’s “Pieta,” our eyes are forced around the sculpture by the draping of the fabric and the angle of Christ’s body. Even Mary’s hand helps create an illusion of an extended line at the bent knee.

In much the same way, we will be learning how to use optical illusion to create lines that flatter our figures.

Miss Cotton ends this lesson with two points she wants us to remember:

There are two things I want you to keep in mind…The first is that without good posture no figure can look its best, nor can the most becoming of clothes work efficiently for figure flattery. Cultivate good posture, if you don’t have it; it costs nothing but effort, but the lack of it costs dearly in loss of beauty, poise, and vitality. The second thing to remember is this: if you are overweight or have a figure imperfection, don’t wait until you’ve lost ten pounds or remedied the defect to wear more becoming clothes; start improving your figure now, the line way. It will help you accomplish your objective in half the time, because the better your figure seems to be, the better you are going to want to make it.

How have you used optical illusion to your advantage when choosing garments?

To your flattering Technicolor life!

Dr. Julie-Ann

How to be Mysterious

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Have you ever noticed how classy and elegant women understand that being a lady means they are a bit mysterious because they don't overshare? Here are my ideas on how to be mysterious while also being authentic: Glamorous Whole Life Makeover: How To Be Mysterious ModernRetroWoman.com #HowToBeALady #SecretsofElegance #HowToBeClassyWomenRules #HowToBeAClassyLady #1950sLifestyle #CharmSchool

I long for the old days of Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn, stars who had real glamour and mystique. We only knew so much about their lives; the rest was a mystery. —Pixie Lott

In the comments for my last post on the importance of being mysterious, the question was raised about finding the balance between being authentic and being mysterious. I want to clarify that I don’t think to be mysterious means being fake. But, I don’t think we have to expose every bit of ourselves up to the light for examination in the name of authenticity. I don’t walk around naked so that people can see what my figure really looks like. No, I try to wear clothes that make me feel beautiful. It’s the same way with the rest of your life–just because it is authentic, doesn’t mean it has to be exposed. So, here are my ideas on how to be mysterious while also being authentic.

How to Be Mysterious

Self-edit your social media– The next time you feel the urge to rant about something on social media, stop. The next time you want time you want to let everyone know you are at Joe’s Fast Foodpalooza or standing in line to see a movie, stop. Except for your inner circle of friends and family who worry about your health, you don’t need to let people know that you are at Iron Woman Gym. Change your privacy settings on your smartphone so that your social media apps don’t automatically send out “check-ins.” (Although this is a conversation about being mysterious, turning off the location feature on your apps is also an important safety strategy since it gives strangers information about you, too)

Stop venting–A quote came through my Pinterest stream about how most people don’t care about your problems so we should stop telling them to others. The actual quote was a bit harsh but the underlying message has some truth to it. Stop complaining about things to people outside of your inner circle unless you are ready to take action to correct the problem. Remember: A glamorous life appears to be free of problems. It isn’t. But others don’t need to know and you want to be known as being mysterious, not as a complainer. I’ve seen too many people who had legitimate complaints ignored because of their reputations as complainers. There is a difference between “venting” and sharing problems with your inner circle. (Edited to add: I added emphasis because people who just scan miss that important phrase and seem to think that I’m advocating you keep your problems to yourself and send me angry emails. No. What I’m saying is that you should be discreet about who you tell them to–your inner circle of friends and family.)

Keep your own counsel–Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it. I’ll admit that I’m struggling with this. My work at the university requires a lot of relationship and trust building so that faculty feel safe sharing their fears and frustrations with me. I have become aware that I mirror other people’s stories with my own “connecting story” that enables them to know that I understand what they are going through. But I’m doing it more often than I need to do. There is a time and place for it but not all the time. I’ve been reflecting upon the story of Christ’s birth to remind myself that it is okay not to provide a mirror or connecting story in every conversation. In the Scriptures, Luke 2:19 points out that Mary kept all of the events in her heart and meditated on them. If anyone had a reason to talk about what was going on, it was the mother of Christ. But she just kept her thoughts to herself and pondered them from time to time (Although, to be fair, can you imagine how that conversation would go? There’s really not a lot of room to say, “You’re kidding! That happened to me, TOO!” when you’re talking about mangers, shepherds, and angels filling the sky…)[Tweet “Just because it is authentic, doesn’t mean it has to be exposed. “]

Really listen to others–You’ll be considered a great conversationalist if you ask questions that enable another person to talk about themselves instead of looking for an opportunity to talk yourself. I think listening and hearing others has become a lost art.

Be a bit more formal in your interactions with others (but not in a pretentious or creepy way)–One thing that jumps out at me when I watch television shows and movies made before 1965 is how formal people are with each other. They address people they don’t know by their title and last name. Maybe it is the time that way of interacting with others is brought back (I know, I know…you extroverts are just being friendly by calling people by their first names but it kind of freaks us raging introverts out a bit…we need to warm up to you a bit).

Those are some ideas that came to my mind. Do you have any others?

Be sure to check out the Glamour Invites Us to Live in a Different World printable quote in the Resource Library, free for email subscribers. Not a subscriber, yet? No problem, simply complete the form, below, for instant access.

Image courtesy of Kristine on Flickr.com.